My Blog

i got a blog and yea please view 27 ERSC montage at the webspace

http://awanv85.multiply.com/

go see see ok altho quite lag please bear with it k =D

took the day off today and now i wearing my undies and towel! ahah just took a bath feels kind of refreshing. orh kind of hooked with ICED HOLIC the malt drink, cant start a working day with out that.

hmmm nothing much to do, really hope that there will be a time where all the old friends could meet up and chill with out getting worried about any thing or any one. really miss the guys and the chilling session. teo heng , zhen fa , crc and training, east coast, play ground and outings missed them all.

how do i get rid of the bordem man !~ haiz

                     as i stare at the computer screen and thinking about the past, about the past few months, about life, and a special some one [s]. firstly about the past few months, time pass so fast and i can hardly catch up. im left with 4 weeks (1month) away from my POC (passsing of ceremony) and i really hope i can make it all the way not disappointing any one. i hope my mom and [s] could make it down for the ceremony when the time come but that depends if i pass the course with my new CPT hunting down every one of us! 4 more weeks guys SURVIVAL and ENDURE!                   

                       ok i not those emotional type of guy who do this all the time but yea i am speechless and i think this is the only way i can say wad i expericence. sweet, loving, childish yet understanding, full of jealousy, have good head on her shoulder, emotionaly soft now but soon she will realize she is stronger then she thinks and finaly cute! she fits my defination of a cute gal. i miss u and i hope u come back soon ok? i only writing this cos u be reading it.

if there is no one to read i shall not write =P Good luck to me for my field and final x and pray i pass my course !

XM 1 more month to go leh if i pass REMEMBER AUSTRALIA!? - WAHAHAHAA

it cant be put into words. i feel disillusion, lost, alone, weak, stress physicaly and mentaly. i dun know how much more i can take but i am willing to give it a try. 5 more months am i up for it?

i dun seem to belive in myself any more, i cant seems to control myself and my head is in a mess. i will have to go for Remedial training to improve my ippt result so that means i will have lesser time with my friends and family. which means i have lesser time for myself and that does not motivate me at all. well if thats the path i have to walk then i shall. ill keep on walking this path till i collapse

POPO ! thank you to all charlie’s instructors and those who put in so much effort. special thanks to my PC,PS and Instructors for everything.

thanks to abdus,iskanda and texas for making the suprise a success and i will miss every single one of you guys inclusive of those in charlie TITANS that i didnt mention.

haha after a long long time i visited my sec school mates and my blaze member TSG ! had a good talk with him and yea it was great fun.

i had confusion over my vocations. now it has been confirm that ERS is definately waiting for me next monday. hell is waiting for me so i might as well learn to enjoy the 6 months that i going to spend there. its gona be tough, far and metal stress!

good luck for me 

yeas uncertainty, why the uncertainty and what couse me to doubt myself? i cant even decide on any vocations that intrest me to go or you can say i am actually clueless about it. well if i just want to go for a good pay and suffer afew more months or recruit life i will opt of ERS, hell yea but i got to pass my ippt. i cant decide what i want on the pay of the job i must like the job as well at least that is what i belive.

vocation instructor at brtc. damn i cant say the pay is like normal rec and yet so much sai kang to do. i just want to be near my home so i rejected that voc unless its the last vocation than i have no choice.

2 more weeks till i poc and i still unable to do my pull up. actually quite piss already la.  weak , uncetain and most of the time i do not know what i feel. i have a confuse heart and misguided brain never the less i need to do some thing cos time and waiting does not help this time, i try to get some where, where i belong and where i will be happy in my years in NS.

ok enough of ns talk, yesterday cs was fun ! wahahahaha i seriously feel very happy to play cs either leisure match or just a simple match. sadly time (some how i realize how important it is now) is not on my side. i cant play as much now adays. Cant go to public and start pawning and killing sprees, wahaha miss those days in sz network and i miss my blazers members. Poly friends expecially kane and maomao, every time we meet we say bored la , sian la and all this but actually it feel better to have you guys around even if we got bored to death. friday book out play cs, saturday go out with fam and sunday prepair to book in. life has been darn chill for me for i am one step closer to the routine trap depresion.

aggrr !~ frustration . weak . uncertain . brain dead and melfunction heart . i think i am certainly not trying hard enough

there were afew occasions, its like i have always targeted as a mistaken identity. every thing does not fit in. when i was younger this auntie dare not talk to me in chinese nor english then finally she talk to me in english then she said this "walan i tot u japanese lo"

ya tat was when i was taned ma… played basket ball almost every day . then after alot of ppl mistook me for a Jap or Korean. the most Shocking ones was when i do a camp for FIT in bukit batok lo. i cant belive it when they thot that i was a korean and trust me i had to take out my nric to prove to them i am an Sg. the other day was at the handphone shop. talk to him in chinese then talk to my mom in english, then my mom talk in malay. then he guy ask me

" your are not singaporean arnt you?"

then i go by this.

" i am half indon and half korean "

my goodness he belive me sia! and i am not gd at lying lo. hahaha its cool rite? but kind of crap la, when i recall things that i am saying make me laugh lo and the way i talk doesnt sound like anything simillar to the rest of the people unless english. yea felt that my just that the way i talk make me sounds weird or some thing. then recently this guy heard my voice online when i was playing cs. i bluff him by saying that i jap mix. haiz…. cool for the moment but it complicate things for me thinking of a way to explain to them wad is the actual me.

crap … i can confirm that my dress sense is not even good compare to normal people so it cant be my dressing ma. anyway kind of interesting , i might try to take some courses on jap or korean. then one day when a japanese or a korean walk happens to ask me something i can at least communicate ma! wahahhahahahaa

think to much ler , english , malay and chinese already chui want to learn other language … talking about study i finally can call myself a graduate!!!

wahaha nv expect me to made it but yes after alot of hard work and the 3 P tat principal say i made it… lalala ~

kids out there Freaking dun slack off your studies bcos of games or some stuff.!!! its not worth it lo. When its time to study then YOUR BETTER STUDY ! when its time to play , no need for me to say ler !

belive me it works - sounds like some advertisments sial.

hahahahaha till next time, thats all for now from the confused boi

As a child, I felt more pain than warmth, more hate than love.
I felt never ending loneliness and I moved on aimlessly, sought for
and tried to understand what was to come in the future.
I abandoned the pain and tried to find warmth.
I made more friends yet I couldn’t find a way to love or understand
the meaning of life. I understood the reason but I couldn’t find the answer. I questioned my existence and I never found a much better reason apart from that of the one person who has shown me love.

This shows how important you are to me.
I have never failed to make you sad or angry for my mistakes.
I do what I think is right and think that I have the right to make my own decisions. Even if my actions hurt you, you forgive me nevertheless.
No one can take your place in my heart.
Words can’t express what I feel for you but I really just want you to know that I love you mom.

Happy Mothers’ Day.

advance post -

i seriously do not know how to start blogging. i should just shoot every thing out.

2007 alot of bad stuff happen la, can say more bad then good. Currently i still working for Citibank, keep changing places from tampines to milinia followed by ang mo kio and back to tampines.

not much difference, those who are free to accompany me for luch please do. ill be at station at tampines till i go NS on 10 july.

hmmm nothing really go wrong at work. went out for luch with erny and maomao then after work went to eat dinner follow by a slacking session at coffee bean with kane and friends. talk about old times , poly stuff , cs stuff , v day confused for a april fool day la and so on.

very quite chill and had a lot of good laugh at each other. was until kane tells me some thing which i really dun expect and coming out of the blue making it more fishy. trying not to think about what i am going to do about it but definatly i cant stop thinking about it, till i cant sleep when its gona be 5 am in the morning. gee ….

then reach home around 1145 then played afew matches. first map was terrible. 2nd map was inferno also not very good. the last was train which i think i did better. any way i feel very lousy with all the things that i done and gone through. even when i feel i sux at cs i know deep inside i will not be playing for any more compy due to NS. rather my decision for the past 8 months was effected by this.

now i have decided to manage my team, work and try to earn extra to continue studying after NS. 21 ler gona be 22 soon so got to at least plan 5 years ahead. hopefully all goes well la that is what i want and i just want to confirm if MR Donkey telling me the truth.

dam sad cant sleep.

haha since very long i blog any way … got to say sorry to alot of people i been a very unlucky and a bad person this year!~

i will continue what i have to say in the next post. This is a warm up since the last post was made. To all the peeps who replied to my friendster post thanks man , really appreciate it. i was so stunn when i was able to see the comments made on my posting sia, never thought any one would read it , MANY MANY THANKS ~